‘Love scares me.’ She said after I confessed my feelings to her.
‘Why?’ I asked, perplexed.
‘Very few know what it means yet everybody claims to have experienced it.’ She replied and walked off.
That was some 10 years ago. Her reaction had crushed me. No matter how much I made fun of what she had said, someway her words stayed with me. Every time I was about to move on, those words made me wonder if it really was love. Eventually I gave up.
One day I was sitting in a cafe waiting for a friend. In the distance, a couple of girls were chatting together at a table. Suddenly I heard one of the girls say, ‘love scares me.’
It shocked me to the core and I jumped to my feet. She was sitting with her back to me. My first instinct was to run to that table and see her face. I did that.
All of them looked up. The moment I saw her face, I knew It was not her.
‘Sorry to disturb…but can you tell me why it scares you?’ I asked nonetheless.
She scrunched her forehead and exchanged glances with her friends. ‘Pardon?’
‘Why does love scare you?’ I repeated.
She laughed a little. ‘It’s indecipherable. It’s more complex than you can imagine. The moment you think you’ve finally cracked its meaning, it will elude you. You can never attain it. And what you attain is anything but love.’
I came back to my table, disappointed yet enlightened.
I had spent all these years trying to somehow prove her words wrong. It had become my objective in life. When I heard those same words, I rushed towards it. What had I expected – to see her again…to hear the same answer again…to have my heart broken all over again?
Love, to me, had always been her – unattainable and indecipherable. I think that day I became one of those very few who knew what love was.
Written by Chirasree Bose