Love that turned gray

Falling in love with him was difficult, but I did.

People say they fall a little bit more in love everyday. Yes, I remember that kind of love; one that touched my heart once, one that brought a smile to my face every morning. I don’t feel that love anymore, yet I remember a smell that resembles that love. I can’t tell what smell it is; is it that of a flower? Or is it that of a fragrance he used once upon a time? I cannot tell for the memory is too vague.

Hating him is easy, yet I can’t.

I don’t even force myself to hate him, although that is the very thing he deserves. Even if I do that, will my heart hate him? I can’t help but laugh at my own question.

Not wanting to see him is easy, but then why do I get worried when he’s not around?

Leaving him was the right thing to do, but my legs froze when he asked – ‘Would you stay?’ I did, knowing I might regret it.

He said – ‘I need you.’ I kept mum, and my innocence blushed inside.

Now I wonder what if I didn’t stay, what if I answered – ‘yes, I’m nothing but one of your needs…why don’t you want me?…why don’t you desire me the way I did?’

It was difficult falling in love again with the man who cheated on me, but I did.

– Chirasree, a dreamer.

Daily prompt: Gray